Part 1: God is good at being God!
"'My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,' says the Lord. 'And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts" (Isaiah 55: 8-9).
Hindsight sure can be 20/20. We can learn a lot from looking back at our past. Not to dwell on the negative, the hurts and the failures, although sometimes we do that, but to notice all of the positives in the midst of the hard things. To see through a lens of gratitude. To notice the protection, opportunity, provision, redirection, preparation, grace, we were given. I can look back on the past several decades of my life and say with absolute certainty that God was working ALL things out for good (Romans 8:28). The pain, the suffering, the beautiful, the ordinary, the disappointments, the doubts, the blessings, the comparisons, the discontentment, the natural consequences and the unwanted circumstances beyond my control.
It was NOT all good...hear me on that. Some of these things are downright ugly and traumatic. But, the beauty is that He worked it all FOR my good. There is a big difference. A difference I've had to wrestle through over the years. How is it that a good God allows so much pain? Today, I know that I know that I know God is good. HE is faithful. HE can be trusted, and regardless of how I feel about what He allows and what He doesn't, HIS plans are ALWAYS best. I can say that now. But not always. I couldn't always "see" this truth clearly. In fact, for many years, I was completely blind to it. And depending on the day and the circumstances I face, I often need the Lord’s help to slow my thoughts, remember what is true, and rest in the fact that God is good at being God.
God has been so kind, so patient, so gentle with me. He still is. And this is His heart toward every precious, imperfect human made in His image. In Matthew 7:7, Jesus says, "Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you." He is not talking about money, or possessions, or popularity, or even relationships with other people. He knows these desires will not fulfill the needs of our souls. But if it's truth we are after, He gives freely. Ask Him. He's always ready and waiting to hear from us. He's waiting to hear from you. And He can provide what we need to be able to trust Him. I have recently found myself in a valley season and discovered that even a strong desire to trust God is not always enough. We NEED HIM to do that work within us. To give us the power and strength to trust Him in our disappointment, grief and pain.
Getting to where we’re going…
I look forward to sharing so much about how I came to know Jesus and trust Him the way I do, but for now, we'll skip ahead to where hubby and I were two years ago. God took us on an adventure we could have never anticipated, and we learned so much about who He is as a result.
I originally wrote this journal entry in April 2022 as we were preparing for the final step to make our adoption complete. And although we are not currently experiencing this part of the journey, all that we are learning now about God’s character is very much the same. Different season. Different unknowns. Same unchanging, unfailing, perfectly faithful God.
God's ways are not our ways. We have come to realize this through many life experiences and circumstances. And while we were not in any way prepared for what He was asking of us with this new step of our family journey, and a bit reluctant to agree with Him, we have learned enough about Him to know we should say "yes" to His nudges. His ways are not our ways. But His ways are best. So when God asked Joe and I to step out in faith and follow His lead on an adoption journey, WE. SAID. YES!!!!
This adventure has really been many years in the making. Again, that hindsight thing. The path was paved with lots of trust, waiting, growth, waiting, prayer, waiting, surrender, waiting, repentance, waiting. Do you see a theme? It's true, some of the best work God does in our hearts happens during seasons of waiting. He knows our end before our beginning (Isaiah 46:10) so He constantly goes before us to prepare us for the next season (Deuteronomy 31:8). This is a huge reflection of His compassion and kindness toward us. Looking back, I can see how months and even years ago God was softening my heart and preparing me for today.
I have been known to be a bit discontent and stubborn (ok, a lot! ...of both), BUT God in all His kindness has been so patient to help me see things His way in His timing. He has helped me to realize He alone can satisfy the deepest desires of my heart. Which, I have come to understand, are NOT attached to certain outcomes or circumstances. I don’t have to be CERTAIN how things will turn out to CHOOSE to trust Him. So I "joke" now about all the waiting because I can see and rest in the fact that it was all part of His plan. He used it to accomplish His will and change me to be more like His Son in the process. The best end to any waiting, any trial, any suffering is not an outcome; it is God Himself. Knowing Him. Loving Him. Depending on Him like you never would any other way.
I do not minimize the hard, though. I had a lot of really difficult, lonely, confusing days. I like to have a plan and get things done. So naturally, waiting seems like a waste of time. Because God's reach is always much wider and His purposes much grander than my limited view allows for, I often couldn't (still can't) see the benefits of waiting. But there are so many good things that can happen in waiting. Most of them do not involve a change in our circumstances, but a change in our hearts.
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